One of the biggest challenges in my journey toward authenticity has been navigating my own intellect. When my mind spirals into self-doubt and self-criticism, it can feel like an unstoppable force, holding me back with negative self-talk and relentless overanalysis. This internal struggle has often kept me from fully trusting and embracing myself.
Last year, I attended the Hoffman Institute, participating in the Hoffman Process—a personal development retreat designed to help individuals identify and transform negative patterns and emotional habits, fostering self-awareness and healing. During this transformative experience, I learned about the concept of the Quadrinity, which involves integrating four key aspects of our being: intellect, emotions, body, and spirit. Each day, we performed a “quadrinity check,” akin to a systems check for the soul. This practice was crucial in helping me see myself as a whole person, rather than being defined solely by my doubts and fears.
People often tell me that I wear my heart on my sleeve, that I am deeply in touch with my emotions, and that my spirit is vibrant and youthful, giving me tireless energy and childlike enthusiasm. Yet, I’ve struggled with fully embracing and expressing my truth. When asked what I do, I often hesitate and feel the need to add qualifiers, saying things like, “But I’m a mature model,” or “But I also do this.” This hesitation stems from a societal perception that the beauty industry is superficial and focused only on appearances. I’ve internalized this stereotype, feeling the need to justify my career choices and, at times, apologize for being part of this field.
However, the truth is that being a model—especially a mature model—is about much more than just looks. It’s about confidence, self-expression, and challenging societal norms around age and beauty. It’s about empowering others to embrace their unique selves and redefine what it means to be beautiful at any stage of life.
Recently, I met someone who introduced me to the concept of “Randomanism,” a philosophy that views life as a series of random events. This idea resonated with me, especially as I reflected on the unexpected twists and turns in my own life—such as transitioning from a long-term career as an executive assistant to taking a pose class with a world-famous supermodel. Embracing this randomness has been liberating, allowing me to open my mind to new opportunities and experiences.
I’ve never fit neatly into a conventional box, and that’s what makes me unique. My mother was a prime example of defying expectations—she grew up in a small town in North Carolina, then moved to Rome to pursue a career in opera. She never apologized for being her true self, and I’ve realized that I don’t need to either. So what if I chose to pursue modeling and advocacy later in life? It’s my passion, and it’s an integral part of my story.
The Hoffman Process was a pivotal moment for me, helping me understand that my intellect, with all its uncertainties, is just one part of who I am. To be my authentic self, I need to embrace all aspects of the quadrinity—intellect, emotions, body, and spirit. My career in the beauty industry is not something to hide or downplay; it is a vital expression of who I am.
When I asked Coco Rocha, a renowned model and advocate, how to confidently own my career without feeling the need to apologize, she told me, “You should never apologize for being who you are.” That simple advice was a revelation. Now, when people ask what I do, I proudly say, “I’m a model.” There are no more whispers or qualifiers. Being a model at my age is empowering; it signifies that I have embraced my individuality, experiences, and strength. It’s about challenging narrow beauty standards and advocating for a broader, more inclusive definition of beauty.
I’ve come to realize that the superficiality often associated with the beauty industry does not define my experience. Instead, I can bring depth, authenticity, and purpose to my work, using my platform to inspire others to embrace their unique beauty, regardless of age or societal expectations.
So, I’ve stopped apologizing. I’ve stopped diminishing my achievements with qualifiers. This journey toward my authentic self has taught me to value every part of who I am and to stand firmly in my truth. The Hoffman Process reminded me that true beauty comes from within, from the harmonious alignment of the intellect, emotions, body, and spirit.
In embracing my quadrinity, I have found a newfound sense of freedom and confidence. I am not just a model; I am a mature model who celebrates the richness of life and the beauty of authenticity. This is my journey, and I embrace it fully, unapologetically, and with pride.
Here’s to living boldly, embracing all that we are, and letting go of the need for apologies. We are enough, just as we are, and our journeys—no matter where they lead—are worth celebrating.
Leaning into Aphrodite 